More random thoughts…

I mentioned in my first post that when I was in school, I didn’t really know how to behave since my mother always told me what to do and what to say.  I started to copy what others around me were doing.  This behavior has followed me into adulthood.  I never considered doing anything like this until I found out that someone I know does this.  I’ve read her stuff and found it to be very enlightening.

After much thought and consideration, I came to the conclusion that I lack my own identity.  How pathetic to be, or attempt to be, everyone else around me, never getting it quite right.  I think the part has been played well since no one has ever called me on it.  I’ll take it as a compliment to my acting skills.  It’s not that I don’t know this, I did take an intro to psychology course in college.  Freud would have a field day with me.

If I see someone fall, I look at it (the fall) as an observer might look at stars through a telescope, out of reach to control.  I hope that makes some sense.  Anyway, it wasn’t until people around be began to behave and comment “OMG, are you okay?  Let me help you up!!” that I realized my behavior was inappropriate.  Normal people help other people, they don’t just watch.

It took time, but I began to think things through for myself.  Actually, that’s an untrue statement.  I came across people whom I thought were really amazing, with many friends, and wanted to be just like them.  So I began to mimic their behaviors.  (Did I mention this blog came about because a friend of mine had one?)

I don’t have many friends because I don’t have the social skills to be charismatic and captivating, but I do appreciate the ones I have.  They are, as Simi would say, “quality people.”


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