Bipolar swing…

There are moments when you see the train coming at you but you just can’t step off the tracks.  Today is one of those days for me.

The birth control pills are bad enough.  But the lupron makes it so much worse. So, instead of going to water aerobics, which I love very much, today I stayed at home, in bed, crying my eyes out.  Because the world is an ugly place right now. I know, KNOW, that these moods are a result of the drugs I’m on.  But knowing doesn’t change how I feel.

There is a black poison flowing through my veins right now.  Darkening everything.  It pulls at me until I want to scream.  It is pulling me apart.  I want to cry out, but sound escapes me.  Instead, I close my eyes and let the tears fall into my pillow.  Quietly.  I feel so alone.  There are sounds in the other room. They might be a million miles away.  They are way too far from me to make a difference.  Darkness is all I see.  A lonely void of nothing…


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