Random thoughts…

In my first post, I mentioned that when I was in school, I didn’t really know how to behave since my mother always told me what to do and what to say. I started to copy what others around me were doing. This behavior has followed me into adulthood. I never considered doing anything like this until I found out that someone I know does this. I’ve read her stuff and found it to be very enlightening.

After much thought and consideration, I came to the conclusion that I lack my own identity. How pathetic to be, or attempt to be, everyone else around me, never getting it quite right. I think the part has been played well since no one has ever called me on it. I’ll take it as a compliment to my acting skills. It’s not that I don’t know this, I did take an intro to psychology course in college. Freud would have a field day with me.

If I see someone fall, I look at it (the fall) as an observer might look at stars through a telescope, out of reach to control. I hope that makes some sense. Anyway, it wasn’t until people around be began to behave and comment “OMG, are you okay? Let me help you!!” that I realized my behavior was inappropriate. Normal people help other people, they don’t just watch.

It took time, but I began to think things through for myself. Actually, that’s an untrue statement. I came across people whom I thought were really amazing, with many friends, and wanted to be just like them. So I began to mimic their behaviors. (Did I mention this blog came about because a friend of mine had one?)

I don’t have many friends because I don’t have the social skills to be charismatic and captivating, but I do appreciate the ones I have. They are, as Simi would say, “quality people.”


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